Here Comes Goodbye
by KwonSangMi
Summary: How do you say goodbye and let go of someone who was never yours to begin with?
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: This is my first TEFU fic. Fuji was in the corner of my mind sitting all depressed and I can't ignore him any longer. I tried to shove him to the closet but his depressing vibes is getting to me. So this is the product. This for ya'll who practically worship the ground TEFU walks on. High Five!

* * *

 **Here Comes Goodbye**

Relationships?

Connections?

If they had one, theirs would be a cycle of _hellos_ and _goodbyes_. He was contented because _HE_ liked it like that. Although there was no validation that this is what he really wanted, it was the arrangement they have gotten used to for a good three years now.

A cycle is a loop. Continuously taking the same path and doing the same things. Mundane for some, heaven and happiness for him. A cycle means that if there are 'goodbyes', you can guarantee that there's going to be a 'hello' sooner or later. And that was _enough._ Having these small moments with him was enough.

He will take him whatever way he can have him.

Commitments were never made, promises never uttered. They were the same on the outside—the brilliant photographer considered to be a genius and the promising tennis superstar who's slowly taking over the world.

But in the bubble of their own little world in the confines of his apartment, they were just… them. No titles, no grandeur… _and no expectations._

He knew him best.

He, on the other hand, understood him most.

Their connection was special because of the understanding they have. And because of that, their cycle stayed on its course, fulfilling its purpose.

In between the sweet talks, verbal sparring, teases and hot nights, there's nothing more that they need. They were satisfied, contented and sated.

All things were good. But apparently, good things come to an end. Nothing's permanent. Habits need to change. And cycles? Even cycles were meant to be _broken._

* * *

Fuji sat in the far corner of his darkroom with his arms on his knees and his head placed in between the connection of his two arms, slouched depressingly on the floor. He was in the inner area of his darkroom where his most precious photographs were located—his _other_ place of solace.

Photographs… he has taken so many of it. And sold most of what he has taken. He was renowned for his natural skill and eye for beauty. But no matter how much each photo was recognized and revered, the subjects would never hit the same impact as the one in his inner room does.

"Tezuka…"

He had long confirmed that there would be nothing as beautiful as this man for his eyes. Nothing would ever come close. In the three years they were _connected_ to each other and the six years he has known the man, he also developed the ultimate technique on how to get elusive Tezuka Kunimitsu in front of his lens without the other actually knowing.

It was a challenge at first, one he accepted with great enthusiasm. It wasn't long before he found the perfect method. It gave him leverage for the perfect angles, perfect frame… perfect shots.

He should be satisfied. The greatest challenge for him as a photographer was overcome. But he found himself longing for more. More than longing, it became a need. And so, the inner sanctum of his darkroom was occupied by dozens and dozens of his most prized photographs… his photographs.

 _Ah… the good times._ He found his outer corner of his lips curving upwards at that. Despite his feelings right now, the thought of him and everything they've been through together brings happiness and warmth.

He raised his head and lifeless cerulean eyes scanned the entire corner. The photographs were all he ever owned. But the man in the pictures was never his.

It pained to admit that. And every time he was reminded of this predicament, he can't help but feel empty.

The moment he admitted to himself that he feels something for the taller boy, he also knew that there was nothing else in the end for him. He completely surrendered his heart without any guarantees it would be accepted. Not that he said anything clearly about it.

Maybe he did? Once… a long time ago…

* * *

 _ **Flashback**_

" _Tezuka!" Fuji moaned as the other growled with his final trust that sent both of them towards an earth-shattering climax. Both of them were panting and covered in glistening sweat while trying to recover from the high they were previously in. He was basking on the afterglow when the taller boy slowly pulled out of him and the muscled yet leaned figure slumped to his side._

 _Fuji felt Tezuka wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him closer. "That was the third time you woke me up tonight Tezuka… is something the matter?" He kept his eyes glued at the ceiling while he asked the question._

 _It took several seconds of silence before he decided to turn his head towards the hazel-eyed boy. And it also took several seconds more for him to realize that he'd never get any answer._

 _Not that he expected it anyway. It's always like this. They let each other in but not too close. He wanted to open up to Tezuka and share more than what his body could offer but he couldn't. He was scared to let another person in, but it wasn't the reason. If it was Tezuka, even if he's terrified, he would still willingly do it._

 _But the barrier Tezuka surrounded himself with is not actually repelling Fuji, it kind of makes him put up the same barrier of his own. To be wary the same way the other is being cautious._

 _So he never pushed for details when it's not voluntarily given. He had learned to content himself with the things he could actually have._

 _Several minutes passed and he could hear the even breathing beside him. Slowly, Fuji inched his head closer to the other boy's face and gave him a quick peck on the lips. Having Tezuka embrace him is something reassuring, this he thought while slowly loosening the arms around him._

 _Slowly getting up, removing the arm wrapped around him and instantly missing the warmth of the body next to him, he reached for his Canon PowerShot G1 X. Despite the strong need to go back and cuddle, this has to be done._

" _You let your guard down, Tezuka..." He softly smiled and took the picture with the hopes of forever immortalizing the beauty he's currently seeing before his eyes. Though it's never going to do any justice to the perfection of the man beside him, he had to at least remember this moment... if only as a reminder that this happened once and that this was real_ _ **once.**_

" _It was so ironic how I looked at you hoping for you to look back… but when our eyes met, I looked away because I didn't want you to see how much you affected me… I loved you since then" he said as he gently traced his features._

 _Maybe it was the dark and serene atmosphere, or maybe the contentment he felt, it could also be because of the beautiful man lying there. Fuji never knew what prompted him to say what it was he felt, he just knew it felt right._

* * *

He didn't noticed when he stood up from his slumped position on the floor, but he was now facing the very same picture he took that night. His fingertips trail the contours of Tezuka's face the same way he did before. Even in photo paper and in the crimson-lighted room, he was breathtakingly perfect.

 _Would there be a next time? Can I still take his pictures even then?_ He was so sure of the answers before. But when he heard the news, he's no longer sure.

He slowly turned around and saw himself facing the mirror. Behind him, faces of Tezuka was clipped and hung. In this angle, the reflective capacity of each mirror increase the efficiency of the red light, developing pictures faster and at a higher quality.

Lifting his gaze to his reflected eyes, he sees nothing. A small thought made the corner of his lips upward in a lifeless smile. "Cause you never think that the last time would be the last time—you think there'll be more. You think you have forever but you don't" he whispered in a form of soft scolding while moving towards the mirror. Reaching the ledge, he supported himself with his arms and looked at his reflection closely.

"And they call you a genius…. I guess… people do get dumb." It was then that he noticed the faint ringing of his phone from his main room. Eiji must've given up on his cellphone that he's calling the home phone.

Now that he thought about it, how long has he been here? Would he actually go there? Can he put himself through that suffering and pain just to see him? He _could._ He was a sadist after all. Aside from finding joy in the discomfort of others, he also developed this of putting himself on these situations if only for a small moment with him, a habit he started to develop when he recognized his feelings. The irony of it all.

Putting on his usual mask of a smile and shutting his eyes half-closed for the world not to see, he headed out to the door.

* * *

A/N: This first started when I listened to Rascal Flatts' "Here Comes Goodbye". And the story developed especially when a certain Sayame Yuna kept making me listen to depressing songs like "I Know Him So Well". You guys should listen to it, the guy duet version.

What do you think? Hmmm should I change the genre to Tragedy? Reviews anyone?


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: This was supposed to be a one-shot. But, well...TEFU is TEFU and I can't help maself! **squeeeaals!**

 **Top Youki Minaco:** I get we're you're coming from as I'm also a sucker for happy endings but we'll see. I really appreciate the review. Seeing it first thing in the morning is a good mood booster.

* * *

"Fujiko~nya! Why won't you pick up?" A worried Eiji hurried to _his_ Oishi's side after the 33rd time he dialed both Fuji's home and mobile phone.

"Still no answer." It wasn't a question. Oishi can see from the look of his partner's eyes that he was very worried. The Mother Hen of the old Seigaku had to placate his partner lest he become the 'other' Mother Hen.

"I can't help it! What if Fujiko's sick!"

A certain brown-haired man with glasses stealthily darted his eyes towards the red-head. He moved ever so slightly to properly hear the conversation but not draw attention to himself.

Popping out from making fresh sushi Kawamura's interest was also piqued. "What do you mean Eiji?"

"Da te, me and Fujiko were eating lunch like we always do… and then we talked about a lot of things like Tezuka's departure for Germany and how it's so amazing and the new brand of toothpaste and how my nee-chan alwa—"

"Get to the point Eiji!" Inui cut him off.

"Like I've said, everything was normal-ish… maybe? Mou! Now I'm no longer sure. So Fujiko didn't wait for me like he said he would. We agreed that we would go together with Oishi to this new store."

Oishi nodded in agreement. "I thought it was strange that Fuji didn't show up yesterday."

"And what makes me worried is that it was raining really heavy yesterday. Me and Oishi were even stranded inside a café because of it. What if he's sick, no one's with him now that he's staying in his own apartment."

"And here I thought Echizen would be the one causing all the worries" commented the spikey-haired man.

The 'other' tennis superstar glared at his senpai for the comment. It was his respected buchou's send away party after all. He couldn't miss it even if he's no longer staying in Japan. "I heard that" with his glare intensifying.

"Baka! You shouldn't be making jokes at a time like this! Can't you see everyone's worried!"

"I didn't ask for your opinion Mamushi!"

"What was that?!"

Everyone else who's not stoic or socially inept sweat-dropped at the scene. Even in college, they were still the same. Some things never really do change. Everyone was preoccupied that they didn't notice the lone figure who slid the door open.

"Hmmm… it looks like the party started without me."

"FUJI!"

"Fujiko~nya! Where were you?! I was so worried" Eiji pouted as he run to hugged his bestfriend.

Fuji turned and apologetic smile towards his friend and to everyone. "Gomen, gomen. Nee-san asked me to do something for her, and I forgot my phone on my bag. Sorry for making you worry."

"Yosh!" Eiji yelled as he regained his normal enthusiasm. "Let's officially start the party!"

Everything fell into the familiar chatter and laughter. It wouldn't seem like it was a send-off party. Fuji placed himself on Tezuka's side as if he naturally belonged there. Not that Tezuka minded. He was actually quite relieved Fuji was able to make it.

"If everything goes well, we might not be seeing Tezuka-buchou ever again. Well maybe on television." Momo suddenly commented.

Everyone else who heard his comment stopped what they're doing. Talented as he was, Tezuka always had other priorities. And most of them were never related to his own objectives and goals. This was actually the first step he took towards his dream of being a professional. Because of his past decisions, Echizen Ryoma went ahead of him and is now going professional for two years.

Maybe it was time to start thinking about his own goals like his grandfather said.

"We're really happy for you Tezuka" Kawamura added. "You've done so much for everyone already."

Fuji kept silent the entire time. Merely observing and giving comments here and there when necessary to not arouse any type of suspicion from the group. He'd never tell or show it, but Momo's previous statement voiced the source of his pain. _Never again huh?_

As the night drew on, one by one each member bid their goodbyes as well as their encouraging messages to Tezuka. They also said their farewells since they can't be with him on the airport due to their own schedules as well.

* * *

As everyone walked home together, little by little, the people from the group diminished. But somehow, Tezuka stuck with him all the way to his apartment.

It wasn't luxurious but it was home. One thing prominent about the space is a peculiar amount and arrangement for mirrors. Fuji wanted it that way not only to give the illusion that there was more space. This way, when the light hits, it illuminates the area, making it look almost ethereal especially with the type of interior design his Nee-san picked.

"Shouldn't you be preparing for your flight tomorrow? You don't wanna be late" Fuji commented the moment they entered the apartment.

Tezuka wordlessly followed him inside and went straight to his kitchen. Taking a cold pitcher from the fridge and two glasses from the drawers, he poured himself and Fuji water.

Fuji looked at him with a pained expression that he instantly hid behind his closed eyelashes. It felt as if Tezuka belonged there. How many times have they done this routine right after their drinking sessions? It was so natural.

The taller boy handed Fuji a glass. "You do not want to get hangover."

Fuji murmured his thanks and sighed before his took the glass and drank from it. He seriously just want to get to bed at the moment. That way everything would come to pass and Tezuka would be gone. The hang over was even a welcome guest for tomorrow just so he couldn't think of his other pains.

"I can take care of myself, you could leave."

This was no time to mince his words. He needed to get rid of Tezuka while he can still hold his facade. He had a feeling that it wouldn't hold out for much longer.

Not minding Fuji's words, Tezuka commented, "Something's bothering you." But of course, he wasn't Tezuka Kunimitsu if he wasn't perceptive.

"I'm fine. Just tired" came the curt reply. It would seem that Fuji didn't want to dwell on the matter but Tezuka have been feeling uneasy ever since he showed up late earlier. And he couldn't rest easy in these situations.

Fuji's slowly losing his patience and his composure which is bad... very bad. It might mean the end of what he's trying to hide and when it comes out in the open, there's a possibility that nothing would be left... even friendship.

Tezuka's never satisfied with superficial excuses. So he prodded on. "That's the lamest excuse I've ever heard you make. I know something's wrong."

The hazel-eyed lad's eyes widened a little when he saw Fuji react. Fuji smirked. The same smirk he used when he taunted Hajime Mizuki—menacing. He had a feeling everything would turn south if he proceeded. But what made him feel dread was Fuji's eyes—it was lifeless. The cerulean orbs that captivated him with its fire and passion were as still as extremely calm oceans hiding monsters and immeasurable depth beneath. _What happened?_

Fuji knew that Tezuka would've noticed by now. He opened the eyes he's hiding after all. _Numbing myself is the only way. The moment I give into tears, the pain creeps in… and it becomes too unbearable._

Standing from the couch, he faced Tezuka square on. "Do you now? Pray tell what all-knowing Tezuka Kunimtsu thinks about what's wrong with me."

"Hmmm no answer?" he continued with his taunting voice, dripping with sarcasm and tinged with a tiny bit of rancor. Fuji waited for a few seconds before he made a move to pass Tezuka so he can head towards his bedroom. "Well then, lock the door when you leave."

He was at the end of his ropes, patience wearing thin. _Why do you care!_ He didn't want Tezuka of all people to see him at his weakest. He respected him and adored him so much. So if the taller boy detected malice in his voice, it was directed to himself. But he wouldn't bother to correct the other's assumptions if it works for the best.

Unfortunately, Tezuka was having none of it, so he grabbed the brunette's arm."Don't make me force it out of you Fuji."

 _That's it!_ "Or you're going to do what?!" Tempered anger now flared in his eyes. Gosh, why can't he just leave it alone.

"Let me go."

Seeing anger in the petite man's eyes brought relief to Tezuka in a way he never imagined it would. He'd rather see anger, disdain or whatever negative emotions there are as long as it wasn't lifeless.

"No. Not until you tell me."

He wants to know? Fine! To hell with everything. He's been on an emotional rollercoaster for the past several hours since yesterday. It's more than what he has taken in an entire lifetime and he doesn't know how to deal with these things.

Tezuka, on the other hand, tried to extend his patience and composure by exhaling. One hothead is enough. "Seeing you like this is very... _disconcerting._ I simply want to kno-"

"I'm in love with you okay! Happy!" he exclaimed.

.

.

.

.

 _Oh._

* * *

 **A/N:** The last chapter will be posted right after. Because I don't think this offers much of a cliffhanger but I can't let you wait that long because I feel you're going to kill me.

So I'll be clear, Tezuka will _not_ die. Because I can't seem to kill him for some reason. Tragic stories is something I can do but it demands a lot emotion-wise for the writer. Maybe in the near future. He's just leaving for Germany. Some might think that it's a shallow excuse and Fuji might be overreacting. But if you put yourself in the shoes of someone in love, you will understand. Plus, being a professional tennis player might have its perks but it also has downsides. Ya'know what I mean.

Gomen! I'm rambling!


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Notes:** As promised, here's the last chapter. Enjoy!

* * *

"I'm in love with you okay! Happy!" he exclaimed.

 _Oh._

"And... and you leaving is not something I've gotten a handle on!"

The people who believe that Fuji Syusuke was a genius would never have any doubt he can handle any situation. But matters of the heart is an entirely different thing.

Tezuka softly let go of his arms as the words slowly sunk in. His eyes clearly showing that his brain is trying to process everything. Fuji? In love with him? He thought everything was purely physical. His train of thoughts were halted when the smaller boy spoke in a softer tone.

"Because... I know that after this goodbye, there wouldn't be a hello."

What he saw in those azure eyes wasn't anger anymore, but sadness—so overwhelming. The tears that Fuji have been keeping at bay with sheer will power are threatening to fall.

That look was something he never saw on Fuji. But it felt like one hand gripped his heart and the other gripped his throat. It's getting harder to breath seeing Fuji so shaken. He made a move to close the space between them and wrap the other in his arms until he was okay.

"So don't..." Tezuka stopped. "...don't do this. And don't come near me and hold me like you mean it. Because I might believe that there's really something when there's none. Please don't hurt me like this... Tezuka."

If Tezuka holds him now, he might delude himself to believing again. Thinking of everything they had as reality means leaving the bubble of pretenses he used to create for his own benefit. And if Tezuka leaves, everything will crumble down to nothing... leaving him with nothing again but emptiness.

Fuji's shaking with tears flowing. Gosh, he feels so pathetic but he can't stop himself now. He's sure he's gonna regret it later. From where he stood facing Tezuka he looked sideways to at least remove his face from the other's direct line of vision.

"I've always told myself I'm never a selfish person when it comes to you. But this, I've come to realize... is already a part of my own selfishness. I chose to live in this pretend world I've created for myself because in this world, I know I can have you. And it's my selfishness that pushed me not to say anything... or confront you about anything because I didn't want to let go of this."

Aside from being a sadist, he discovered, he's also a masochist. Instead of letting go of everything that relates to this man, he had chosen to keep what they shared close to his heart.

"This is the only thing I have of you... I was not willing to let it go. Even if it's pretend... even if it's just me thinking this... feeling this."

Tezuka raised his hands to caress him but something's stopping from doing so. He's afraid that Fuji would break even more. He can't have that. Even though he never admitted out loud, Fuji Syusuke was precious.

He was looking at the brunette when he raised cerulean eyes to face his. Tear stricken and desolate. It broke his heart piece by piece. _For me to affect Fuji have such an effect on Fuji..._ It made him want to scold himself.

"I know my place and I've fought to keep it that way because I know I can't keep you. You made it pretty clear yourself... I never had a hold on you. You gave me permission to own your body as I did the same. But you... never gave your heart Tezuka... and that was the one thing I wanted the most."

Hazel eyes widen at the declaration. Before he noticed, his hands moved and pulled the sobbing lad to him, hugging him, almost clinging to him... he caressed his hair and kissed the top of his head.

* * *

They stayed like that for quite some time before Fuji let out an empty chuckle... "You were always too caring for your own good..."

Tezuka kept silent at that. Slowly, Fuji wrapped his arms around the lean torso like he did so many times before and waited as comfort slowly crept into all of his nerves and his entire system. He's not sure what's going to happen after this, all he knows is the warmth of Tezuka's embrace.

"Forgive me if I can't say congratulations with a happy face, but do believe that I'm really proud of you. And I'm sorry if I won't be able to send you off properly, because I don't know how to without breaking."

It's true. Tezuka put this barrier around everyone. And though he admitted that Fuji was the one closest, there was still this gap he was afraid to cross. But because he didn't, Fuji's hurting.

Who were they kidding, with the type of relationship they have, eventually falling for the other is inevitable. Fuji held up well because he didn't want Tezuka to be uncomfortable, this the taller boy realized.

He was in deep thought when the beautiful brunette raised his head to meet his eyes. "This is this only thing I'd ask of you. Leave me with the beautiful memories. I can live with that."

When Fuji smiled that painful smiled, he made a silent vow to himself that he never wanted to see that ever again. With a firm resolved, he easily dipped his head to claim the shorter boy's lips.

Fuji's eyes widened a fraction. _What's he doing?_ The warmth and gentleness was something Fuji only imagined in dreams. Kisses were always rough or teasing. At certain times it was soft, but never gentle.

With a heartbeat, he responded with everything he had. And in the next second, it was over. But Tezuka was still holding him close.

"It's not because I'm caring..."

"Huh?"

"I'm holding you like this not because I'm a compassionate person..." Tezuka lowered his forehead to connect with Fuji's.

"Then wh-"

"It's because I'm selfish too. Holding you, kissing you... I did for my own gain. Because I know I couldn't go on without those things."

Fuji's at loss for words. _What is Tezuka trying to say?_ It seemed that Tezuka caught on his confusion so he continued to explain.

"I came here with every intention of kissing you and holding you... if possible be inside you, before I leave. I just didn't expect this. But because you told me, I now know how unfair I had been and how it must've hurt you. And if we continue like this... I might continue hurting you as well. Assurance is what you need and I'm not sure I can give it."

Fuji halted his thoughts. So it still comes to this. This was it. The inevitable goodbye. Tezuka's going to let him go now. At least he had good memories, the photographs and the last kiss.

"But... just as I expected... I _can't_ let you go."

 _Wait what?_

Tezuka placed his chin on Fuji's shoulder and hug him tighter. "Call me selfish, arrogant, unfair... but the thought of not being able to hold you like this, I can't. I... _need_ you Fuji."

The brunette gasped. Fresh tears welling up. It wasn't clear and there was no declaration of love but Tezuka did confess something. For the first time in what felt like a long time, he allowed a small smile.

Breaking the hug so he can see the other's eyes directly, he continued "And I want you to visit me from time to time."

A small nerve appeared on Fuji's head. "Germany's not exactly a bus stop away you know. And who gave you permission to make demands." He might be in love with this guy but there are other things he needs to do. He has school and his photography career.

"You can't say no."

"Bu-."

Tezuka's gaze intensified effectively cutting him off. "I want to see you whenever I could."

The depth of his need for the brunette was scaring him. But going through long durations of times without Fuji is even more dreadful.

Fuji brushed golden-brownish locks from the beautiful face. Instead of voicing his answer, he pulled Tezuka towards his waiting lips.

From their connected lips Tezuka then rained kisses all over Fuji's face. He's never done this before, but he found it quite enjoyable. Looking into his _lover's_ eyes again he whispered, "I have one other selfish request."

Fuji inclined his head to the side in an inquisitive gesture encouraging him to proceed. Tezuka thought he looked cute doing that so he stole quick peck making Fuji's brows furrow.

If his hand wasn't around petite waist, he would've smacked himself in the head. Why did he do that, something so out of character?

Clearing his throat, he proceeded with all the sincerity he could muster "Wait... wait for me."

Fuji froze a little before he learned what he meant. Tezuka didn't mean his return to Japan. Tezuka Kunimitsu was finally willing to cross that bridge. And Fuji was more than willing to wait for him to get to that point, it was Tezuka after all.

With a smile he nodded. Hazel eyes expressed relief before his head dipped down again to claim the brunette's lips, and this time, he didn't let go.

Good things come to an end. Nothing's permanent. Habits need to change. And cycles? Even cycles were meant to be _broken..._ to give way to new routines and accommodate new changes.

 _Then the time that seemed to stop for Fuji, started flowing again._

.

.

 **OWARI.**

* * *

 **A/N:** This marks the end of my first ever TEFU fic. To those who appreciated, read and reviewed this story, I humbly say Thank You from the bottom of my heart. You made me so happy that you took this journey with me, however short it was.

I'll still be waiting for reviews. Please feel free!

~Sang Mi


End file.
